careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Small penises have feelings too.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
