You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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