No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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