it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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