Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
