Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
