New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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