your parents love me but you hate me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
