ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
