Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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