Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
