his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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