I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
