She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she smelled like a LAN party
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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