I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
