I will die if light touches me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
