Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
