shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
how does that bad decision feel?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
