I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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