Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
