What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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