The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
