Can Purell be used as lube?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
