take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
