forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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