Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
