i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
