party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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