So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
