nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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