Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
