There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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