haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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