Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
