nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
