is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
