Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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