dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
