I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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