We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
