my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
