That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
