I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
