My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
