I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
