I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
