She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
