Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
