So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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