I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
